Yet, it is at these funeral gatherings that the family stories are
told, stories that need to be put on the record.
Only in this way can the presence of lost loved ones be kept alive and continue to
form part of a living and growing store of memories.
In loving
Memory of Helen Emanuel 1952-98
The Eulogy delivered by David Emanuel-Kevin's brother- on the occasion of Helen's
funeral last November, 1998.
"Kevin,
Phil and Jimmy, Fr. Smith, Fr. Dooley,
and other members of the Jesuit community, Fr. Ryan from the Oblates, Jim,
John, Tony and
Margie, and family and friends of Helen and Kevin.
Kevin has done me a great favour in asking me to
give this eulogy of Helen, but also imposed a huge task to adequately represent all of you
here today in paying tribute to her.
In the short time since he asked me I have
rehearsed my opening countless times, but no matter what I tried, I always came back to
July 1996. I don't think it is exaggerating one bit to describe as "hell on
earth" the period that started then and finished in the early hours of last Tuesday.
Kevin and Helen and the boys had gone to Yamba those school
holidays as was fast becoming a ritual with a number of friends. It was 19 July 1996 that
Helen called in to see Judy as she did so often, but this time, she had devastating
news-her cancer had been confirmed. If you wonder why I am so certain about the date,
it is
because I recorded it in my diary. Helen would have a wry smile at this because she was
always teasing me about my diary-but I was the only one in the family who could check to
see whose turn it was to host Christmas-by checking my diary!
The Yamba story is an important one because it says
something very strong about Helen-her sense of holding onto her traditions, her
history-the last family holiday trip they made was back to that area of the North Coast
she so strongly identified with.
As I thought further about Helen, I decided that
the theme I would follow was about relationships and how important they were to her. I
decided to check with Jim about what he would like to emphasize. He said it was up to
me-but before I got a world in, he said I should talk about the way she valued her
connections with people and particularly her family-where she spanned three generations in
her close involvements. I was relieved to hear this because I couldn't be wrong if I
agreed with her father!
Let me flesh out that story. She was born in
Queensland on 12 February 1952 and in 1956 the family moved to Canberra where she did all
her schooling and got her first job.
But
those four years in Queensland were important in allowing her to establish the closest
possible relationship with Madelaine's mother-Nan Scott in Grafton. Jim tells me that when
John and then Tony were born, Helen went off to Grafton and that started a tradition that
she even kept up from Canberra when she went to Nan's on many school holidays. the
affection between the two was quite unique and I think it has been just amazing that
Jack-Helen's uncle and Nan's other child- has been able to spend so much time down here
when Helen was at her sickest and provide wonderful support to her, and to Kevin.
I would like to expand that notion of relationships
a bit to include my wife Judy's family and it helps to explain why they were attracted to
each other when they met-in the Young Liberals of all places- in the mid 1970's.
Judy's mother Kath grew up in Dorrigo and Kath's
mother knew Nan and Madeleine and Jack who were living there. Years later, when Kath was
getting married at the end of the war and dress material was scarce, Madelaine's cousin
lent Kath her own wedding dress to get married in. That woman's daughter-Helen
Farrell(Helen's second cousin) brought that dress into the hospital the other day. I am
not sure whether Helen registered it, but it was a great thrill for Judy's mother.
Helen continued her close involvement in all
aspects of her family's activities through her parents' generation and next onto the third
generation-her 13 Costello side nieces and nephews and the 7 on the Emanuel side. I am
sure that the boys would not mind if I said her greatest attention was lavished on the 5
girls who made up such a small part of that 20.
There are other sides to this relationship theme
that are also most important and looking around this chapel today, you are all part of
that story which was so important to Helen. Whether it was through her own friends, her
neighbours in Frances Street, through the legal connections, the Aloysian connection-both
Kevin's school mates and now the parents of the boys' friends, the nuns at Nazareth House-
she reached out to you all.
But let me come to the most important relationship
of them all. At the hospital last Friday, (Fr.) Tony Smith said to me they were the
perfect couple- he had seldom seen such a perfect fit- and I had to agree wholeheartedly.
This brings me back to other relationships. In
1977, I had started to go out with Judy and by then, she was flatting with Helen-after the
two of them had met up as I mentioned, gradually discovered all their connections and
decided to share a flat. The story is probably familiar to a lot of you, but Kevin had just
become a junior partner at his firm and he had to go to his first partner's dinner.
Somehow he was without a date and we decided that "foghorn" needed an
appropriate partner for the night. I can only assume the words are correct because Helen
repeated them to me often enough-but I phoned up and when she said she would get Judy, I
said no-you see I have "this brother" and he needs a girl- the rest is history.
That history is a storybook tale of love and
devotion, and while it might be ending in the sadness of today, it will live on in the
legacy of her through those two wonderful boys-Phil and Jimmy- who were uppermost in her
thoughts all through her illness, and of whom she was so proud.
Let me say something about those memories and what
Helen was and stood for. We all know how wonderfully talented she was in all things
related to her hands:
She translated those skills into her work for all
sorts of good causes-the Nazareth House fete being the outstanding example and she was
devastated at missing this year's fete. Of course, she had such wonderful plans for her
shop which were so cruelly dashed by her illness.
She also devoted her talents to her home and garden
and to creating the perfect haven for her own beloved family- the story is that she made
poor old Freddy Paul a millionaire with her extensions to Frances Street. That home was so
important to her, and Kevin has told me that when she came home from her frequent stays in
hospital over these last two years, the first things she did was to walk around the
garden.
But no one is perfect-she had her weaknesses. She
didn't like the cold- I will never forget when they visited us in New York for
Christmas- no one has ever worn more layers of clothes in a New York winter, I am sure!
But her real fear was scary things- there is a
glorious story from the flat days when Judy came home from work and there was Helen
sitting on the doorstep-she thought she had seen a mouse inside and wasn't going back in!
Over the years, she has been taunted by a multitude of plastic spiders,
snakes,etc, from
all her "beloved" nieces and nephews.
I have not wanted to dwell on the sadness of the
occasion or on the ordeal she has fought for the last two years or so. Kevin wrote in the
death notice that she fought with dignity-there is no better epitaph. But I would add one
more quality-she remained the beautiful, feminine person right to the end. How many people
commented when she was at her lowest in the past week that her nails were beautifully
manicured and painted. It might only be an outward sign but it typified Helen to us all.
She liked the good things in life and she got them
in the most loving and caring husband, two great and talented boys, and loving and devoted
family and friends. I would also like to use the opportunity to pay tribute to my
brother-maybe not the thing to do in a eulogy, but I can't let it pass. We have seen
devotion, strength, support and love in the most wonderful way over this period.
To finish, I couldn't think of anything better to
say than when our 6 year old Stuart was trying to understand what death meant-he said
won't Auntie Helen's mummy be so proud to see her in heaven.
David Emanuel 19 November 1998
Those who attended the funeral recount it as one of the most memorable they have ever
had the privilege of attending. Helen's brother-in-law, Peter Tirzins, recalled that after
the service, there were other extremely moving moments. He singles out the senior classes
of St. Aloysius. 
Lined up on either side of the road, with their heads bowed and standing in silence,
the senior classes stood as a guard of honour as the funeral cortege drove slowly
down the driveway,
The story was revealed later that this came as an initiative of one of Helen's nephews
who was in one of those senior classes.
